dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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