WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
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Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
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Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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