just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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