i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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