Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
God, I missed his penis.
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