remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
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I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
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Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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