I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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