yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
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Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
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THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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