Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
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