and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
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No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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