Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize