God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
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repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
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