what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
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i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
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I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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