She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize