Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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