i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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