She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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