I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
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organizing the empties. That sober.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
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I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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