Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
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PS: I just woke up from my shower
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
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She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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