Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
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Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
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I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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