Sorry, I don't speak sober.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
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So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
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I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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