he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
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I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
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why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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