Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
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