guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
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