Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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