I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize