yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
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all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
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I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Come on in and take your pants off
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