i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
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