Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
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Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
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at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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