I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize