The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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