if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize