oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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