My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize