idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
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