how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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