How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize