yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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