i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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