I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
this will be a night to untag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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