she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
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update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
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It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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