Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
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He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
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He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
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