We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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