btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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