glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize