This girl is more easily done than said...
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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