Moan for me like Helen Keller
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize