atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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