It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
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I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
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Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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