I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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